Should Children Hear Their Parents Argue?

“Arguing within earshot of their children is something many parents don’t feel secure doing.”


How should a husband and wife handle arguments between them when the children are around? First of all , I suggest you start letting your children hear some of your arguments. Second, I advice that you never allow them to interrupt you while you where in the midst of an argument.

Disagreements are a natural , inevitable aspect of human relationships. As intimacy within a relationship increases, so does likelihood of disagreement. You can’t have marriage without disagreement, but you can have have marriage without argument, which is the confrontation of disagreement. Unfortunately when two people don’t confront the disagreements they face once they married, their relationship stands a good chance of never growing.

Children need to learn the arguments come with marriage. They they need to learn the arguments don’t destroy people. Finally, they need to learn how to engage in constructive disagreement with other people. If they don’t learn these things from you, who are they going to learn from?

I said your children should hear some of your arguments. Obviously, there are certain topics children should not overhear their parents discussing, whether they are arguing or not. Then, too, if  you want them to learn that arguments aren’t necessarily destructive, you are responsible in conducting  your arguments in a civilized, constructive manner. This does not necessarily mean that you don’t raise your voices now and then, but it does mean that you don’t slander r belittle one another.

You should respect one another’s point of view through to active listening, look at options other than those you each brought to the discussion, and try to reach a win-win resolution. There are times when you should save your disagreements for after the children are asleep. But they are probably more times you should have your disagreements with them awake, even perhaps in the same room. If you choose to have an argument in front of them and they attempt to interrupt you, you should say something like,

“We are simply disagreeing with one another. If you don’t like it, you may leave. If you stay, you may not interrupt us or cry. If you do, we will send you to your rooms until our discussion is over.”

If you start arguing and your children suddenly appear in the same room with you, it’s because they want to make sure that everything is going to be alright. It’s probably best, in those situations, to reassure them that you are both alive and well and then send them from the room.


19 responses to “Should Children Hear Their Parents Argue?

  1. I would say it definitely depends on the argument.. I mean, nobody is perfect, and for the children to never hear there parents argue.. It’s almost like a lie – Like a little fake perfect world.

    If it is something personal, and serious, then absolutely not. It needs to be a private matter.

  2. Tough topic … especially the way the world is going. I heard the other day that kids can officially divorce their parents.

  3. It’s both a NO and a YES.

    NO because it does paint a bad picture and it’s not healthy for young children coz definitely it’s not setting a good example.

    YES but it should be explained why the parents are arguing. The good thing about this is it makes the child understand that the world is not perfect, even his / her own parents. I really don’t like how stuff are portrayed in movies …. parents trying not to show their kids whenever there’s a problem. I think it’s wrong.

    Parents can only shield their kids up to a certain point. At the same time, parents should know that it’s important to teach children that the world can be cruel.

  4. I think children should hear the life and be involved in it. But when the arguments become destructive and child can’t see how the parents work together to solve the problem, then the children shouldn’t be around when the parents argue.

  5. We try not to argue in front of our daughter, but it does happen sometimes. We are only human.

  6. I dnt think kids should hear when their parents argue.
    Kids are innocent, and arguments kill their innocence. If its one of the rare cases, then it might be ok, but if parents argue alot, then they must take care about kids staying away.

  7. I try my EVERYTHING not to argue in front of my girls, but sometimes it just happens! No parent is perfect and we will all make mistakes!!

  8. Though I believe this is unavoidable, I am against with the idea – kids are normally influenced with what they see – and they may think it’s an example to follow – so I wouldn’t really want my future kids to see me in any argument, as much as possible.

  9. Interesting article. I have to agree that we should learn how to argue, but not because we have to do it, but to civilize it. To know they types of arguments, constructive vs destructive. How to know when it goes to another direction and how to resolve conflict, etc…
    Our children imitates, so exposing them to argument shows them it exist, but we need to show them how to handle it. in my opinion.

  10. I was raised with the “never in front of the children” rule so it was surprising to read otherwise. I understand the point made of keeping it real and preparing them for their own disagreements.

  11. In our modern days we should always show the real world to the young ones and seeing it live is better than seeing it on social media that sometimes manipulates their minds. So showing some not so serious arguments with solutions at the end to the young ones will help them find their way on real time living.

  12. I think it is great for kids to see parents have disagreements, but unfortunately many parents get out of hand when they argue. It’s equally important for kids to see adults make up.

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